Nightmares of Losing You
by luvsbitca
Summary: Based on a KMM prompt. Merlin has dreams about his (unknown) past as the real Merlin. He wakes utterly upset, feeling like the dreams actually happened. Arthur comforts him through the aftermaths of the nightmares. Written for the Merlin summerp*nathon.


**Title –** Nightmares of Losing You  
**Author –** Moonbeam  
**Rating –** Explicit  
**Warnings – **None  
**Summary –** Based on a KMM prompt. Merlin has dreams about his (unknown) past as the real Merlin. He wakes utterly upset, feeling like the dreams actually happened. Arthur comforts him through the aftermaths of the nightmares. Written for the Merlin summerpornathon.  
**Disclaimer –** I don't own anything – not even the prompt.  
**Author's Notes –** I went a little Chuck Shirley/Carver Edlund with Merlin in this.  
I hope OP doesn't mind that the comfort took a decidedly sexual path due to the pornathon.  
Thank you very much to kathkin for not only being an excellent Queen of the Pridelings and making the summerpornathon fun but also for posting this to the KMM for me. So many thanks!

**Nightmares of Losing You**  
by Moonbeam

Arthur twisted in his sleep but slept on.

A few minutes later, the body next to him in bed twisted and jerked. Merlin groaned as he slept, his mind filling with the terror of being immobile. _He was lying on a cot as his Uncle Gaius wiped a cloth over his forehead. Merlin was stuck, he wanted to get up. He knew that Arthur was in danger and he couldn't do anything. If only he could make his body move he would be able to save Arthur. He needed to save Arthur, Arthur who had loved him when he was at his very lowest, the love of his life. Merlin feared living without Arthur, in a soul deep way he didn't understand. Merlin was frozen, though, and even though he knew that Arthur needed him and he could see Arthur, he could not move. _

Merlin's body struck out, catching Arthur in the shin and dragging Arthur from his sleep. Arthur turned over and looked at Merlin who was twisted, his skin even paler than normal and his entire face a grimace of fear. Arthur reached out to Merlin and tried to pull him out of the nightmare.

_Merlin could see his still body but he could also see Arthur standing against a vicious looking beast with nothing but a sword between them. Merlin wanted to do something but he was stuck, locking in a body that would not move or wake. _

Arthur shook Merlin harder until the brunette woke with a harsh gasp and wild eyes.

"Arthur?"

"Merlin," Arthur said, dragging Merlin into his body as soon as he could and holding him tight. "You're okay."

"Are you?" Merlin asked, breathing roughly and holding Arthur too tight his fingers digging into Arthur's shoulders. "I-I couldn't save you."

"Merlin, baby, I'm fine. I promise. I'm right here and I'm fine."

It took several dozen minutes before Merlin relaxed in Arthur's arms. Until his fingers loosened and he curled his arms around Arthur's body comfortably instead of with fear.

"Tell me about it," Arthur said, later still when Merlin was curled into Arthur's body. His fingers running across the planes of Arthur's chest drawing words and pictures that Arthur didn't try to decipher.

"You were fighting a beast. I couldn't move or wake up. I wanted to get to you but I couldn't. You were about to die."

Arthur continued to hold Merlin after he fell asleep and well into the night.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

It happened again a few months later after many nights of normal, comfortable sleep.

Merlin was alone in bed, Arthur off on a business trip.

_Merlin was tied before a stone table. A man standing over him. sadness in his eyes. Then Arthur sat before him and Merlin was powerless to watch as Arthur drank poison. _

Merlin woke with a short scream and reached out for Arthur who wasn't there.

He checked his phone. It would be a little after six am where Arthur was but Merlin burrowed himself into Arthur's side of the bed and called Arthur anyway.

Arthur answered on the second ring. "Merlin, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Merlin lied, then he told the truth. "Just missing you and thought I'd catch you before you headed into meetings.

Merlin could hear the smile in Arthur's voice as he told Merlin about the drinks he'd had to attend the night before. Merlin fell asleep later and dreamed of Arthur smiling at him brightly as they both sat around a campfire with darkness surrounding him and bright stars above them.

Arthur changed his flight and flew home straight after his last meeting. Arriving at their flat having not slept for what felt like days. He managed to shower, kiss Merlin, eat a sandwich before he passed out with his head in Merlin's lap. Merlin was just happy to have him home.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

The next dream wasn't even about them. Morgana is Arthur's stepsister, and the only member of Arthur's family that actively liked Merlin apart from Arthur himself.

_She was standing before him, pale and dressed in a velvet dress. She was crying, her voice broken and Merlin stopped himself from reaching out for her even though he knew a few words would help her. Merlin held his tongue because he was afraid even as he watched Morgana's eyes grow cold. _

Merlin woke with a start to the heat of the sun on his face. He looked around the lounge room of his mother's house. He tried to shake the dream away but it wouldn't work.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

Slowly, the dreams grew more frequent until Merlin was having them every second night.

Arthur looked at Merlin with worried eyes but he held him after dreams where Arthur almost died, and after dreams where Merlin did things that left him feeling hollow and shaky.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

One Sunday morning, Merlin had the worst dream.

_Arthur lying next to a fire, dying. Merlin could not save him. Arthur hated him for hiding his magic. Merlin refused to leave even in the face of Arthur's hate until by the lakes of Avalon Merlin held Arthur through his final breath. _

Merlin woke sobbing with Arthur leaning over him. He dragged Arthur to him and into a kiss.

"Merlin?" Arthur asked, pulling away.

"The…you from my dreams died."

Arthur's eyes shifted.

"No," Merlin said. "I know it's weird but please."

"I'm worried about you." Arthur said.

"They're just dreams." Merlin said, but he wrapped himself a little tighter around Arthur anyway.

"But they upset you," Arthur said with indignation as though nothing should hurt Merlin when he was around.

"I don't want to lose you." Merlin said.

Arthur kissed him, hard. "You never will."

"Show me," Merlin said, clinging.

Arthur nodded and pushed away the last of the sleepiness clinging to him. He bent his head down until he could kiss Merlin properly, licking his way into his mouth. Merlin clung to him and met his tongue with a tinge of desperation. Arthur pulled back, stroked at the nape of Merlin's neck and kissed more gently, coaxing Merlin's interest away from his need, until it was about them as much as about reassuring Merlin.

Slowly, slowly, Merlin began to calm in his arms. Arthur let his hand drop down from the back of Merlin's neck and trailed it down the soft skin of Merlin's bare back. Arthur smiled into Merlin's lips loving the fact that Merlin had given up wearing t-shirts to bed when they had moved in together – apparently Arthur was a furnace that kept Merlin's almost too thin body warm regardless of the weather. Merlin was slighter than him, a long thin torso that Arthur wanted to give his hands on. Merlin curled one of his legs around Arthur's thigh and tugged the larger man closer so that he was being pressed firmly into the mattress by Arthur's body. Arthur went with him, holding some of his weight on his elbow to keep from crushing Merlin. Merlin's arms wrapped around Arthur's torso and Merlin leaned up taking over the kiss and stealing Arthur's breath.

Arthur pushed Merlin back into the mattress and smiled down at him. Merlin tried to hold him close but Arthur pulled away after kissing Merlin on the lips quickly.

"I'm not going anywhere," Arthur promised into the air between their lips. Merlin nodded and Arthur started his journey down Merlin's body. He kissed the soft skin behind Merlin's too big ears and he smiled when Merlin moaned. Arthur nipped at the tendons on Merlin's neck and then trailed kisses down to the juncture of neck and shoulder. He licked at the skin there, sucking it into his mouth and then biting sharply, making Merlin arch up into him. Arthur moved over Merlin's ribs, kissing the protruding bones where he found them. He licked at the small outward bump of Merlin's bellybutton and trailed his nose through the line of hair below. Merlin's cock bounced against his chin and Arthur pulled back so that he could lick at the seeping head.

"Oh God," Merlin moaned, as Arthur pulled the head into his mouth, he sucked deep and started to move his head back and forth until Merlin reached down and slid his hand into Arthur's hair. Merlin didn't force his mouth anywhere but Arthur loved the slight push, the resistance of Merlin's long, thin, fingers against his scalp.

Merlin yanked at Arthur's hair, the blonde pulled off and looked at Merlin.

"Too close," Merlin panted out.

Arthur reached for the bedside table and the lube they kept there. He crawled his way back up Merlin's body and kissed him as he slicked up his fingers.

Arthur reached behind himself with slicked fingers and looked Merlin in the eye while he slipped one finger in, stretched himself and then worked on the second finger. Merlin squirmed around and slipped out from between Arthur's legs.

"What are you doing?" Arthur asked as he slipped the second finger in up to the knuckle.

"Watching," Merlin said breathlessly. "Though, I want you to fuck me so I'm not sure why you're doing this."

Arthur froze. "What?"

"I need to feel you inside of me," Merlin said as he pressed one of his fingers to Arthur's entrance wiggling past the rim. "But I do enjoy doing this."

"I thought," Arthur said, his fingers moving gently while Merlin's thin finger slipped even further into him.

"I want to feel you stretching me wide," Merlin said leaning forward to nip at the curve of Arthur's arse cheek. "I want to feel your come inside of me, I want to feel the stretch tomorrow and I want to know that you fucked that ache into me when I fall asleep."

"Shit," Arthur said yanking his fingers out of himself and twisting around. Merlin's finger caught at the movement and Arthur groaned at the sensation. He looked at Merlin who was looking back at him.

"I need to feel you," Merlin said sitting back on his heels. "I need to be able to feel you while I sleep so I can sleep."

Arthur yanked Merlin back into him. "I love you."

Merlin smiled. "I-" Arthur kissed the words out of his mouth. Arthur washed his fingers off and then slid over Merlin until he could feel the heat of Merlin's hardness against his own and could kiss him hungrily. Arthur slicked his fingers and slipped them between Merlin's legs, behind the weight of his balls, along the line of muscle down to the tightly puckered flesh of Merlin's entrance. Merlin kissed Arthur open mouthed as Arthur pressed a finger in, made Merlin feel it, though he was still careful not to actually hurt Merlin. Merlin groaned and tried to shove himself onto the finger more firmly.

"Careful," Arthur said, kissing the corner of Merlin's mouth and stroking Merlin's side with his other hand.

"I want to feel it," Merlin said, lifting his leg up and curling it around Arthur's thigh – opening himself up more.

"And I," Arthur said kissing him softly again, even as he moved his finger within Merlin. "Do not want to hurt you. I intend to make you feel very good."

"Arthur…" Merlin said pleadingly.

"No," Arthur said, pulling the finger out entirely.

Merlin pouted at Arthur, who couldn't resist leaning down to bite at the protruding lip.

Merlin sighed and relaxed underneath him. "Why are you so stubborn?"

"You love that about me," Arthur said. "When you're stretched wide on my cock and I refuse to come until you scream my name, you love that I'm stubborn."

"Nope," Merlin said, running his fingers through Arthur's hair and scratching at the skin behind his ear. "I don't love that about you at all."

"Liar," Arthur said, pressing two fingers to his entrance.

Merlin shook his head and clenched around the two fingertips inside of him. "I could be doing that around your cock, if you would just hurry up."

"Merlin," Arthur said, and his tone made Merlin stop and look up at him.

"Arthur?" Merlin wished there wasn't a waver in the tone of his voice.

"I've been worried about you."

"They are dreams."

"They made you cry." Arthur knew Merlin understood the message beneath those words – Merlin should never cry, ever. Not because Arthur's father said men do not cry but because Merlin deserved better than that. "You dreamed of me dying."

"And you want to talk about it when you have two fingers inside of my arse?"

Arthur's face twisted. "I just want you to know this is about more than just making you feel that I'm alive and not leaving."

"Oh," Merlin said and threw his arms around Arthur and pulled him down into a desperate, dirty kiss. "I'm-"

Arthur cut him off. "I just wanted you to know."

Arthur slid his two fingers in, twisted them, spread them wide as he worked Merlin open on them.

"Arthur," Merlin groaned, trying to keep his eyes open long enough to catch Arthur's eye.

"Yes?" Arthur stilled his fingers and watched Merlin.

"I love you," Merlin said and pulled Arthur into a kiss. "I never want to upset you. And, if you ever decided to leave me you would just have to take me with you."

Arthur rolled his eyes and Merlin reached up to kiss him.

Arthur pulled his fingers from Merlin's body, added more slick, and pressed them back in, three wide. Merlin grinned at him as he closed his eyes and arched into the sensations Arthur forced him to feel. Arthur worked slowly, thoroughly, making sure that Merlin was open and desperate by the time he pulled his fingers free. Merlin moaned and Arthur waited to see the empty clench of Merlin's hole. Arthur loved to see him like this – wet and ready and needing the feel of Arthur's thick head spreading him even wider.

Arthur trailed a finger around the edge of Merlin's hole and then pulled back. He wiped his hand off on the wet rag and laid himself on top of Merlin. He grabbed his own cock and lined himself up with Merlin's entrance. He pressed the head to Merlin's rim and waited…for Merlin to reached down for his arse and yank him closer. Arthur smiled and pressed in on one, hard, deep thrust.

Arthur hitched Merlin's knees up high and crowded down into his body so that everything that could be touching was. He didn't pull out far, just rocked in and out of Merlin's body.

"I'm going to make you feel it," Arthur whispered into Merlin's ear. "But, I'm going to make you feel it nice and slow."

Merlin clung to Arthur as the blonde man rocked into his body. Arthur rolled his hips and worked them slowly higher and tighter. He could feel Merlin's body change beneath him, his muscles tightening, his breathing quicken, his heart beating all around Arthur's body. Merlin's fingers dug into the flesh over his shoulder blades, the dip at his lower back, and the dips created between his ribs with every back thrust.

Arthur and Merlin were so close that they were breathing one another's air. Merlin could feel how much, impossibly, harder Arthur was inside of him. Merlin kissed Arthur, curled into himself, reached down and back until he could slide two finger tips into Arthur's entrance and press against his rim. Arthur's eye opened too wide and he slammed up and into Merlin before coming with a loud grunt. Merlin came as his insides were filled with Arthur's hot seed, Arthur's hole clenching around Merlin's fingers.

"Fuck," Merlin breathed out, when he slumped back onto the mattress and tried to catch his breath.

"Yeah," Arthur said sliding to the side so he wouldn't crush Merlin.

"You seemed to like the whole finger in your arse while you fucked me thing," Merlin said, slowly, with a smile in his voice.

Arthur groaned.

"I'm thinking we try that again, with that butt plug I bought you."

Arthur groaned again and pulled himself from the bed. He grabbed Merlin's wrist and yanked him out of bed. "Shower."

"It's a nice plug," Merlin said, even as he crowded into Arthur's back while they walked into the shower.

"It's hot pink."

Merlin smirked. "It was a promotional edition for charity."

Arthur shook his head and pushed Merlin under the hot spray of water. Merlin refused to let him go and Arthur followed him in.

"I'm not going anywhere," Arthur said. But, he still held Merlin close as they washed one another clean and he curled his still damp body tightly around Merlin when they crawled back into bed.

/ \ / \ / \ / \

The dreams never really left Merlin and over the summer when he had holidays from his job he sat down in the sun with his computer and began to write.

A few years later the books were best sellers and they were thinking of making a television series based on them with some Welsh actor playing Merlin and a blonde with too-perfect teeth playing Arthur. Merlin didn't care who played them so long as at the end of the day he was curled up with the right, the real, Arthur.

**The End**


End file.
